Thriving in Tough Times

It’s relatively easy to be a nice person when times are good. Anyone can be happy in a beautiful garden. Tough times, however, require a deeper level of insight, strength, and authenticity. With the right attitude and some practice, tough times can realign you back to the values that really matter.

1. Money: You are not what you buy. While money has many benefits research show that wealth makes up less than 20% of the happiness equation. Although 40% is genetic the final 40% is perception, attitude, and habit. This means that no matter what happens—providing you work at it—you have a huge opportunity to enjoy many aspects of your day. As an old Native American man said as he walked bone-ribbed and barefoot across the desert, “Everyday above the ground is a miracle.”

2. Simplify: No matter what the problem (money, relationships, illness) the first principle is to immediately simplify. Bring everything down to a basic level. Stop all complication. Minimize activity, thinking, and commitment. As the Zen master said, “Only the simplest things really matter—the things you no longer see.” And don’t make impulsive decisions or do anything rash. Almost all good decisions will still be available in a day or two so give them a chance to mature.

3. Focus on What Really Matters: When things get rough only a few things really count. Sometimes it’s hard to figure this out. Most of the time we don’t understand this until something terrible happens. See it now and you’re already ahead.

4. Gratitude and Appreciation: Most of us take everything for granted. Ask someone who’s bedridden about the value of taking care of your body. Or talk with someone who’s lost a love one about the value of showing appreciation. Just to be alive on this earth for a short time is pretty special. Get in the habit of being appreciative for what you have.

5. Negative Thoughts: There are a lot of terrible things in this world. Unless you can specifically do something about them, your worry, fear, or insomnia is an unnecessary waste of time and hurtful drain of energy. Most of your fears never happen and, if they do, it’s almost always different. Neuroscientists point out that most of our fear, anger, and worry is more about the noise of conflict in our own head then about the outside world. Our brain can be our own worst enemy. Most of our thoughts and assumptions are illusionary (just brain chemistry).

6. Practice calmness, composure, harmony: Get plenty of rest. Learn deep meditation. Take advantage of the ‘relaxation response’—the ability of your brain and body to recover through a meditative type of rest. Realize that you always have a choice about how you react to any situation. Practice reacting in a more progressive manner. Reacting with anger or impulse will often hurt your cause—keep you from obtaining your goals. Staying calm saves time and promotes recovery.

7. Connection, Support, and Helping Others: Tough times are a chance to appreciate your connections with others. Strengthen your network and help someone less fortunate. Be grateful for every relative and friend you have, even if you don’t like them. Help out at the local shelter.

8. Career: When something bad happens your job can be your most stabilizing platform. Quitting your job because you’re emotionally upset can accelerate the situation even further. Routine, income, friends at work, and activity can help you rebound. If you’ve lost your job, reframe your approach into a new opportunity of some kind. If you keep your focus, values, integrity, and persistence you might just come out ahead.

9. Family: Realize and avoid the tendency to lash out at those closest to you. Whether good or uncomfortable, your family is ultimately your best long-term support. If you don’t handle your situation well, even the best relationship can be destroyed. Oddly, although money is only a small part of the ‘happiness equation,’ money stress is said to be the biggest cause of breakups. Don’t let this illusion happen to you.

10. Faith: Being true to your faith, values, and integrity are relatively easy when everything is peachy. Put a person in a bad situation and see how authentic they actually are. Stormy weather is a good time to practice ‘walking your talk.’